So I’m knee deep into a long drive from Dearborn to Philadelphia…
My thermos is empty. I need caffeine. I stop at a service plaza to fill up on some coffee. The Starbucks is open 24 hours.
Two guys are in front of me in the line. I arrive as the first guy is ordering. He was speaking loud enough for me to hear.
“I’ll have a, wait, mochachino, no, let me think… make that a skinny caramel, no, too sugary… (At this point I believe I went into some sort of audio blackout. Whatever it was, my middle-aged testosterone kept my ears from working for all but the last seconds of this guy’s order) Yes! Make it a peppermint mocha cappuccino with a shot of sugar-free vanilla syrup. Venti.”
It’s no exaggeration to say this guy took a minimum of fifty seconds and three questions to spit out a drink order. I wanted to say, “Pal, if you want a milk shake there’s a Dairy Queen two exits up the interstate.” But before I could get that out his order was complete and he moved to his left (Literally. Metaphorically I’m guessing he was about as left he could get.)
The next guy comes up to the counter. Even from the back it was obvious he was current or retired military. The demeanor. The posture. The tone of voice. He walked up and simply said, “Large coffee, please.”
It was so great I wanted to immediately yell, “Play ball.”
I walked up and placed my order. “Large coffee, please.”
She replied, “Room for cream?”
Considering Starbucks charges over two bucks for a cup of coffee, I think asking “Room for cream?” is another way to say, “Even less coffee?” It’s like McDonald’s asking you after your french fry order, “Room for ketchup?”
I paid for my coffee and went on my way.
From that moment on I’ve never even considered ordering any beverage that ends with “ino”. I will also not use misappropriated words for drink sizes. Small, medium or large, thank you.
Even in the day to day minutia of ordering coffee, there’s a wrong way and then there’s an Old School way.
Old School rules.
Keep it Old School, my friends
The Old Man
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