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5 Unromantic Ways To Romance The Wife

Posted by on August 2, 2011

I’m sitting in the morning men’s Bible Study of my old church a few winters back. My wife calls to asks me something. After I answer her and she’s ready to say goodbye I say, “Babe, you don’t have to worry about taking time to scrape the ice off the windshield this morning and shovel the driveway. I took care of it before I left.”

My friend sitting to my right, chides me saying, “Quit trying to impress your pastor.”

I know he was kidding (I hope!) but I thought to myself, “I’m trying to lay the grounds for some Smokin’ Hot Wife romance and you think I’m trying to impress my pastor? That’s adorable, chucklehead.”

If you google up ways to romance your Mrs., I’m sure you’ll find a lot of flowers, candle light and foo-foo (it’s a word) perfume stuff. While all that stuff is great, an Old School Man knows they are the romantic equivalent of soffit and fascia. Those moves are only good if you’ve taken care of the equivalent of the wiring and plumbing. This stuff doesn’t seem romantic, but it makes romance possible and more likely.

#1 Take care of the morning wreckage

If your house is like my house, the evening often ends with the house looking like it was not so gently ransacked and Mom and Dad too tired to do anything about it. Dirty dishes are piled in the sink. Sofa cushions and pillows are everywhere. The trash needs to be taken out. Your kids’ toys are everywhere and some other places, too.

What if your bride started the day like this?
She wakes up and gets out of bed. She puts on her robe, goes downstairs and walks in the kitchen. Wait! It’s immaculate. Not a dish in sight. What’s that melodic humming? It’s the dishwasher that you loaded up. She walks in the living room. The toys and pillows are exactly where they all need to be. And wait!! Did she just hear a beep? Yes, she did her it! No, you didn’t. YOU DID! The coffee is made! Her favorite cup right next to it.

She looks outside. She knows it snowed a ton last night, but look!! Her car is shoveled out; the windshield is bare.

YOU ROMANCIN’, BARRY WHITE SOUNDIN’, STUD MUFFIN LOOKIN’ SON OF A GUN! SCORE!!

#2 Bathing: It’s not just for Saturday night

I once read Frank Sinatra showered four times a day. I believe he did this to balance out the averages for guys that bathe four times a month. I’ve overheard enough women talking/joking about their men’s lack of hygiene to know this reminder will be needed by someone reading this. (Not you, of course. The guy on the internet next to you.)

Recognize this?

#2.5 Trimming ear, nose, eyebrow hair and your finger and toe nails will not make you a metrosexual

If you are on the job with this basic hygiene/grooming issue, you probably winced when you read this reminder. If you are not on the job, you probably winced hard when you read it. As I type this it’s summertime. After having taken a scientific poll of the various man sandals in the neighborhood over the past week, I can tell you tip 2.5 is needed.

#3 Finally do the honeydew list

Mea culpa. My wife has been asking me to fix a window in our basement for months. MONTHS. I kept putting it off for no good reason. And she kept politely reminding me. I finally did it yesterday. Took all of six screws and ten minutes. I’m embarrassed I put off this simple job for months and I’m much more embarrassed I disrespected my wife for months — foolish, selfish man that I am.

#4 Fly with your wingmen

If a wife is a stay at home mom she spends more time with the kids than the husband does. An Old School Man knows that even a Smokin’ Hot Wife needs a break and some downtime from mommyhood so he gives it to her.

When you’re running errands, doing some man shopping, take your wingmen (your kids) with you. It’s good for the kids. It’s good for Mom. It’s good for you.

#5 Air out the wife

When buddies of mine refer to the need of our wives to spend time with their girlfriends, we use the expression, “Yeah, you gotta air out the wife.” (Part of having close friends is having your own vocabulary. It’s like learning to speak a foreign language without any of the annoying practice or dysentary.) If a wife doesn’t have young children, this is pretty effortless. She just goes. If there are young children in the family picture, then the Old School Man needs to look after the kids. Like most things in life, there’s a wrong way and there’s the Old School Way to do this.

Wrong Way
Smokin’ Hot Wife: “Honey, I wanted to visit Rachelle tonight. Can you watch the boys?”
Husband: “Well, I guess, but , do you really have to go TONIGHT?? I’m beat… Well, OK. Go.”

Old School Rules Way
Smokin’ Hot Wife: “Honey, I wanted to visit Rachelle tonight. Can you watch the boys?”
Old School Husband: “Sure, babe. “

This tip is especially important for church functions. Mothers and wives are often the unsung heroes of church. First to serve and often last to be served, literally. Here’s what I mean: they are the first to man the stations for making church meals and the last to be able to get free to go to a Bible study. It shouldn’t be that way. Remember and repeat the words, “Sure, babe.”

Conclusion

None of these tips have flowers, champagne or Barry White music. But they are all the real Old School work for the romance “wiring and plumbing”.

Have your own unromantic way to romance? Share it in the comments section.
Extra points if your wife told it to you!

Check out related post: Old School Romance Novel

Keep it Old School my friend,

The Old Man, Chris Dixon

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