For a few weeks my hydraulic wood splitter was out of commission, so I went back to my “manual wood splitter”, a.k.a. my splitting maul. I’ve realized I miss it like an old friend. I will eventually fix the hydraulic splitter, but I plan on taking my time with it. Here’s why:
#1 Splitting Wood Is A Great Workout
From your finger tips to your core, from muscles to cardio, splitting wood will give you a work out. As the old saying goes, fire wood keeps you warm when you cut it down, when you split it, when you stack it and when you burn it.
#2 You’ll Look Like A Rugged Old School Man
Hey, pal. Yeah, you. In the yoga class. I know, your bodyfat is at its lowest level ever. And that workout attire sho’ is spiffy. But honestly, has a woman, and I mean a real woman, even more importantly, your real woman, ever looked at you while you’re doing that, uh, stuff and just given up a winsome sigh? Has she looked at you through the kitchen window … while you’re out in the field …while you do a yoga barking werewolf pose …has she ever said under her breath … “Yeah, that’s my man.” No, I didn’t think so.
Now take out the “yoga” part and replace it with “while you mightily swing an axe”. Wait! Did she just look wistful and blissful at the same time. Get some o’dat, son.
I know, yogster, you’re thinking I’m over romanticizing this. Sure I am. Whatever gets you through the night, Nancy boy.
#3 It Gets You Outdoors
Oliver Wendell Douglas, farmer, Hooterville
It’s good to have several reasons to get your butt outside, particularly when your day job keeps you indoors. It’s an added bonus when the reason is as good as splitting wood — workout, thinking time and a warm hearth.
#4 You Can Work Up A Good Think
A few days back I told someone how much I enjoy splitting wood.
He replied, “Get to vent a little anger, huh?”
I thought, “No, potential serial killer with more issues than a magazine stand. It’s not about that.” As much as I enjoy a good natured rib at all things yoga, I have to admit I enjoy the relaxed, contemplative state that comes with wood splitting. Unlike a hydraulic splitter, swinging a maul is quiet. It requires concentration and attention (Remember: Safety first or E.R. second.) but it doesn’t require much in the way of contemplation or thinking. That frees up a man’s mind to solve the world’s problems, his business’ problems or finally figure out where to find good minions or henchmen.
#5 You End Up With Split Wood
An Old School Fable by Yours Truly
A young Nancy Boy asked the Old Man, “Why are you splitting wood?”
“I enjoy it. It’s good exercise. I use it to heat my home and for our fire pit” replied the Old Man
The Nancy Boy said, “But if you just bought a cord you would still have the wood and you could buy a gym membership and work out there.”
The Old Man asked, “So you’re saying spend $150 a cord for wood then an additional $20-$30 a month for the gym, instead of getting exercise chopping wood and not spending anything?”
The Nancy Boys says, “Exactly.”