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7 Cranky Things

Posted by on August 26, 2011

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In the About section of this blog I wrote…

So I sound like a cranky old man, don’t I?

No, far from it.

Today I’ll go back on that by getting a little closer to my inner cranky old man. For your entertainment pleasure, a list of cranky rants regarding violations of Old School rules.

#1 Can we all agree to learn the difference between literally and virtually?  I literally heard someone say, “I literally was dead on my feet.” No, my zombie friend, you were virtually or figuratively dead on your feet. If you were literally dead on your feet, well, you’d be dead and while your sloppy use of words is troublesome, it’s certainly not a capital offense.

#1.5 By espousing correct English, I have ensured this post will have more than the usual number of grammatical errors.

#2 Virtually (See how these rants come in handy?) every time I hear US vice president Biden speak I think he’s channelling Larry Tate from the old Bewitched series. It’s not what he says, it’s the how he says it.

#3 When a person posts political statements as his status on Facebook and someone disagrees with him, why does rant he about this? The term is Facebook “friends”, not sycophants.

#4 Social security is a ponzi scheme.

#5 Why do we gripe about politicians saying mean things, as though this was some new phenomena? Read a history book. Forget that, don’t read, just look at the pictures — political cartoons from the 19th century. They played hardball then. Play it now. Mean words aren’t the big problem. It’s the abundance of bald-faced lies and foolish words that are the biggest pain.

#6 If you’re my physician and address me as “Chris”, unless you’re at least twenty-five years older than me, don’t introduce yourself as “Dr. Smith”. You’re “Chuck.” Sure, you’re the guy with the medical degree. I AM THE GUY WITH YOUR PAYMENT.

#7 Virtually (Addicting, isn’t it?) every time there’s a TV news story about an obesity related health risk the TV producer insists on showing clips of beheaded fat people walking the streets. You can see every thing up to their fat necks. We know what fat people look like and don’t need the video. Many of us, including me, know all to well what this looks like. But beheaded fat people? Please. Come up with another angle. Stop using these clips for obesity stories. Instead, use them for a story about dwarf cameramen.

Keep it Old School my friend,

The Old Man, Chris Dixon

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