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25 Old School Rules For Winter

Posted by on January 3, 2013

Two feet of snow and below freezing temperatures are no excuse to not get your Old School on.

  1. Shovel your sidewalk
  2. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk.
  3. Reread #3 if your neighbor is elderly, handicapped or a single mom.
  4. Stock your kitchen pantry deeper than usual.
  5. Stock your bar deeper than usual.
  6. Teach your kids how to throw a snowball.
  7. More importantly, teach your kids how to get hit with a snowball and not get all Nancy boy. My four year old was whining about this very thing. I had to nip it in the bud Barney Fife style. I told him to throw a snowball at me. When it hit I over reacted and fell to the ground. He laughed. He did it again. I played it up again. After a few more hits I tossed the smallest snowball at him. Caught up in the spirit of fun, he laughed. Fast forward a few days. Now his five and six year old brothers can give him their 90 mph slider and he gestures, “Just bring it.”
  8. While alone, pour lemonade in snow. Minutes later while in the company of friends, pick up a healthy scoop and eat it, speaking of its “holistic health cleansing effects you read about in Namaste Monthly.”
  9. After #8, decide whether letting your friends think your nuts has advantages. It can legitimately go either way.
  10. Feast on snow ice cream.
  11. Sled
  12. Egg nog
  13. Take the Mrs. to a nice bar with a pool table. Trust me. The combination of good bar food (wings, let it be wings), libations and billiards is Barry White-ous.
  14. Have a party or, if that word has too much work associated with it, invite some folks over for food and adult beverages and call it a get-together.
  15. Go to a cigar night. If you’re like me, I don’t light up a stick inside my house. Office? Yes. House? No. That means I usually smoke outside on the deck during the spring, summer and fall. That makes going with a few buds to your favorite local cigar shop for an extended visit a winter moral imperative.
  16. Grill
  17. Reread #15 if there’s 2 feet of snow on the ground. There are few things that look more awesome to the women folk than a man braving the elements to deliver the hot, smokin’ beef.
  18. Don’t forget the veggies.
  19. Just kidding.
  20. If you do the dive in the cold water on New Year’s Day polar bear thing, seriously consider wearing a superhero outfit.
  21. The NHL …oh, my bad
  22. Do all the indoor home improvement stuff you’ve been putting off NOW because spring and summer you’ll have to do all the outdoor home improvement stuff you’ve been putting off and you won’t have time to do both.
  23. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
  24. Those resolutions that you’ve already broken by day 3? So what. Get back on the horse and keep working.
  25. Plan for next spring.

Keep it Old School, My Friend

The Old Man


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